What are the chances?
Originally written September 10 2025, I found it in "draft" status and had never posted it.
Recently I found out some welcome good news about a old friend’s health, which, apart from being a champagne cork popping moment and a tremendous relief, set me thinking about how quirky mortality can be.
Apparently we are more likely to die from accidents resulting from taking selfies than we are in getting eaten by a shark, unless of course you live in Australia on the Northern New South Wales coast, you don’t like swimming nets, and you want to behave like a distressed seal.
You are also more likely to die from being conked on the head by a falling coconut. It has also been said that, on average, people who complain tend to live longer because they are able to unwind tension and this improves their immune system, improving overall health. Constant complaints may also cause your partner to bang their head against a wall, which probably will not boost their own health, but apparently doing that does burn 150 calories an hour.
The Chinese emperor Qin Shi Huang died from mercury poisoning because he’d taken too many mercury pills which had been faithfully prescribed by his doctor to make him immortal. I’m not sure if this fits the true definition of “irony” but it must be close.
And here’s another one. In 1985, a New Orleans man drowned at a party attended by 100 lifeguards who were celebrating a summer without any drownings. We share 70% of our DNA with a slug and 94% of our DNA with a chimp. Sorry, that one is not really related to my story but it does explain a few things about politicians.
Former US President Jimmy Carter once sent his nuclear missile launch codes to the dry cleaner. It must have been very tempting for the dry cleaner to press the codes (and then hang them up, covered in plastic with little tags on them, awaiting collection).
The only medical operation in history with a 300% mortality rate was conducted by pioneering Scottish surgeon, Robert Liston. Not only his patient died, but so did his young assistant and a distinguished medical spectator as well. Sounds like the chainsaw he was using got away from him.